New Station Policies
Entirely too much time is being lost from station work due to people calling in sick, having babies, Etc. This will no longer be tolerated. This is radio not a department store. Here are the new guidelines for anyone that feels they are going to be absent from work at this radio station.
SICKNESS: (You) No excuse. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof, as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to the radio station and work.
SICKNESS: (Spouse) No excuse. Look at it this way, if your spouse was still single, they'd have to take care of themselves and we're sure they'd get along just fine. Having you to baby them while they are sick is a luxury this radio station can not afford.
SICKNESS: (Your Children) No excuse. We didn't tell you to have children. If we had, you could have the time off. Having children was your decision and we regard their sickness as a problem you will have to deal with. This comes under the heading of Personal Problem and is no reason to be allowed to miss work at the radio station.
DEATH: (Other Than Your Own): This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else in a lesser position can attend to the arrangements of the funeral or whatever you people do when someone in your family croaks. However, if the funeral can be held in the late afternoon hours, we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided that your share of station work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence. This does not apply to air-talent. If the funeral is after your shift, and your production is done, no problem. Do not attend a funeral before your shift. We can not afford to have you bummed out on the air.
DEATH: (Your Own): This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like a two week notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job. You may be dead in two weeks but the radio station will be here long after you are gone and forgotten.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE: (For an Operation): We are no longer allowing this practice! We wish to discourage any thought that you may have about needing an operation. We believe that as long as you are employed at this radio station, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for. It is also a violation of your contract.. those of you lucky enough to have one.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE: (For Pregnancy): Out of the question. If you will take the proper measures before sex this will not become a problem. Too many times we get someone trained and then they get pregnant. This costs the radio station money and is not acceptable. If you get pregnant you will be expected to work. We will allow you one day in which to have your baby. You must specify that day 2 weeks in advance. Once you have specified a date for the birth of your child, you MUST stick to it. No exceptions.
THE REST ROOM: Too much time is being spent in the Rest Room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going to the Rest Room in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with A will go from 8am to 8:05am, B will go from 8:05am to 8:10am, and so on. If you are unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the day when your turn comes again.
Management realizes that some may view these policies as harsh but you have to understand that the radio station is not only a fun place to work, it's a business. Some say we have to stay lean and mean to win. It is the opinion of management that if we stay skinny and pissed we'll do even better.
Have a good day.